The Astonishing Tales of Whitey S. Whale Presents: “Through a Glass Angrily”

Next time in the Astonishing Tales of Whitey S. Whale: “Piercing the Whiteness”

This is the kind of presentation I miss since leaving New York last year; awesome artist with a taste for the theatrical, Banksy, has opened up a new pet shop near dear-to-my-heart bar The Jekyll & Hyde Pub.

The picture from the Village Voice’s slideshow caught my fancy extra snugly — framing an issue of industrially, genetically, and hormonally supped-up fowl within the icon of a Looney Tunes character. That’s reason enough for applause without the killer Hensonian attention to detail flushed into this sculpture. It’s part of a walk-in museum masquerading as a pet store. It’s surrealist, it’s a satirical appropriation of space, and the pictures are gorgeous.

I’m not a vegetarian; though on occassion I’ve been asked if I was — I try to balance things out. I’m more interested in ecology and animal treatment as responsibilities within the realm of sustainable living, which a lot of globally sprawled fastfood chain procedures laugh in the face of. I don’t want everything to be Kobe beef — I’m more concerned with where my money’s going, possibly employing people to commit un-health-conscious and repeated acts of unnecessary wrath against animals.

Like all good Banksy, the killer satire is what drives this concept home. It wreaks of something I love about Banksy’s other work, too, which is how the surreally silly can drag you into this Twilight Zone in the middle of broad daylight, almost disarm you completely with its dark humor, and use that disarmed state to open your eyes to a condition that was there all along in reality — reflected right back at you with an aesthetic dynamo. I wish I could see it firsthand. I’d also like to see what level of theatre the shopkeepers engage in. Anyone who sees it should let me know.

In celebration of my successful upgrade to the new WordPress, which now allows me to blog remotely from from the BriPhone, here are 3 Top Five lists commemorating tonight’s VP debate, my team’s kickball loss several hours ago, and (in the spirit of this blog) my favorite Swedish films of all time — in ascending order.

All Time Most Entertaining People to Watch Argue
5) Mike Gravel
4) My old roomate Suds
3) Ron Paul
2) John Cleese
1) Preacher Dan

Best Sporting Matches I’ve Seen Live
5) Ashleigh vs. Amy @ boxing outside my apartment senior year
4) Mark Phillippoussis vs. Greg Rusedski @ Wimbeldon
3) Me vs. a 14-year-old nationally ranked Swedish girl @ table tennis (I lost)
2) Chicago Bulls (with Jordan and Rodman) vs. Cleveland (with fat Shawn Kemp)
1) UIUC basketball vs. Wake Forest my senior year

All Time Favorite Swedish Films
5) Sunes Sommar
4) Fanny och Alexander
3) Det sjunde inseglet
2) Tystnaden
1) Mitt liv som hund

First reaction to this Yahoo! News story: assuming this woman didn’t really devour a little boy, she really needs the local community to cut her some slack. Second reaction: This sounds way too much like a D&D campaign I played one time.

Basically, this woman, Pratima, was dragged from her house, accused of eating children and performing arcane magic voodoo tricks. Why? Apparently because of a land dispute.

“There was a fight between my husband’s brothers over land,” she says. “They took their share, but they wanted ours as well and #8230; Now, they have turned me into a dayen and #8230; They want me to leave this place.”

I’ve got to remember that trick when I figure out who lives in that apartment down the hall with the windows on two sides.

1) Lame0tronic - “Song of Storms (Remix)”
2) Bob Dylan - “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall”
3) Bill Fox - “A Little More Rain”
4) Gary Allan - “Songs About Rain”
5) Drive-By Truckers – “Truckers”
6) Modest Mussorgsky – “A Night On Bald Mountain”
7) Elvis Costello – “Tokyo Storm Warning”
8) Guns N’ Roses – “November Rain”
9) Pixies - “Stormy Weather”
10) Elvis Presley - “Kentucky Rain”
11) Hank Williams III - “Thunderstorms & Neon Signs”
12) Counting Crows – “Rain King [Live @ VH1 Storytellers]”
13) St. Louis Jimmy – “Florida Hurricane”
14) Tom Waits – “A Little Rain”
15) The Innocence Mission – “Moon River”

The Astonishing Tales of Whitey S. Whale Presents: “Whales on Film”

1) Aesop Rock - “9-5ers Anthem”
2) Bill Fox - “Get Your Workingman’s Things”
3) Dolly Parton - “Working 9 to 5″
4) Billy Bragg - “There is a Power in a Union”
5) Blue Swede – “Working in the Coal Mine”
6) Dan Spurgeon – “Telling Secrets Forming Unions”
7) Bob Dylan – “Workingman’s Blues #2”
8) Neil Young – “Union Man”
9) Tom Waits - “I Can’t Wait to Get Off of Work”
10) The Vogues - “Five O’Clock World”
11) The Kinks - “Shangri-La”
12) Dead Kennedys – “Take This Job and Shove It”
13) Little Village – “Do You Want My Job”
14) Sufjan Stevens – “To The Workers of The Rock River Valley Region, I have an idea concerning your predicament, and it involves an inner tube, bath mats, and 21 able-bodied men”
15) Kool Moe Dee – “I Go to Work”
16) Rush - “Working Man”

That would be these two fine people who sported my favorite pair of costumes at SDCC this past week — Léon and Mathilda. Pretty. Flipping. Awesome.

The Astonishing Tales of Whitey S. Whale Presents: “Stuck in a Moment, and You Can’t Get Out of It”

According to this BBC article, a drunk 78-year-old Swedish man attempted to row all of the way from Helsingor in Denmark to Helsingborg in Sweden. I’ve taken the ferry between those two cities, and it’s a hefty ride even by motorized vehicle — about 3 miles, BBC says.

Apparently he didn’t have the crowns for a ferry and opted to steal a dinghy to propel himself home on instead. Unfortunately for him, he fell asleep halfway out and drifted back to Denmark. I give him 5 gold stars for effort though. It’s one thing to steal a car, but something entirely different to steal a rowboat at the age of 78 and have the arms to cross the Oresund Strait. Only in Scandinavia.